I guess it's a rut of sorts.

[temporaryreality]

 I finally have a bit of a break from work, having just finished up a series of jobs with a decision to give myself a bit of a reprieve before taking on any new ones, and of course what happens is that I have time to reflect on my life and the crushing sense of meaninglessness that dogs my heels. Gee, ain't downtime fun?

I run looptapes of inner dialogue trying to poke and prod at what's at the root of it - nothing particularly helpful pops up in terms of "change your life in this way and you'll be a bit better off in the realm of meaningfulness." I think the sense just comes from being aware of how very much a product of my culture I am, and the misalignment that generates with the deep part of my soul and body that is quintessentially human-animal and that would prefer to live in a place where I could experience life as it's meant to be lived: in season, in connection with the critters and the plants and the cycles of nature; in a time where things weren't all paved over and built up in an ugly fashion and when we still knew how to teach our young (and thus ourselves, over and over) how to recognize, be part of, and create beauty; and in a culture that understood these things and that had a communal response.

This all combines then with that "mis-education" I talked about earlier that prompted me to go along looking up things to study, though in my more dour moments, I'm not at all sure that what I need is more brain-food.

Comments

[sdi]

One of the things I've been pondering, recently, is the linearity of time. I get the impression, somewhat informed by divination and prayer, that while for us time is linear, for higher beings, it can be traversed a bit more extensively: one can walk forward and back and around through different possibilities (though not infinitely so: the terrain gets tougher here and there).

So, I think we were incarnated at this mess of a place and this mess of a time for a reason, since our guardian spirits/angels/whatevers could have put us somewhere or somewhen else if they thought it appropriate. The gods guiding them know how bad our education is, and know how poor our health is, and how weak our spirits are, and yet here we are: our prayers are heard and answered even though we don't know the proper respect and forms, our paths are guided even though we have no knowledge of it, and even though we're too weak to work, the work somehow gets done nonetheless.

Fortuna Major is made from Tristitia and Albus. The greatest blessings are gained from suffering and from reflection upon it. So we suffer, but if we accept it, I think we'll be okay—maybe even better than that.

[temporaryreality]

Dear sdi,

I am so grateful for your comment. I DID wake up in a better frame of mind, or at least one that allowed me to ignore, perhaps even accept, as you suggest, the state of things.

What you wrote is so exactly what I needed to hear, hoped to hear (from someone, somewhere). Even from a perspective of expediency, even if I have no inklings meted out from above, the thought that the universe is structured so that souls are "put" where they need to be grants some measure of acceptance and the willingness and capacity to carry on and carry on better.

Thank you so much for your reply. It really helped.

[hearthspirit]

I was in a rut last week too. I'd felt like I'd been making breakthroughs, and then it all went pear-shaped again. In ways that were both new to my current situation, but very old patterns in my life. My divinations were all basically "you're in a rough patch, don't give up! Don't lose faith!"

So I hope you are right SDI, because that is an enormous pick-me-up! And after just an awful day yesterday, trying to slog my way out of the same trap but in a new way, I felt a lot better. And my dreams last night were prescient, and my divination today was heartening. It seemed to confirm what you're saying.

(FWIW, the dreams were about getting bored at an interminable work presentation, and being distracted by people hanging berry clusters on a fence. I was wondering what they were, clusters of red, and clusters of black. I thought maybe elderberry? I tasted a black one. It was elderberry! When I woke up, I checked my email and facebook feed, and discovered that now that the schools and preschools were open, cold season of course hit with a vengeance at all the kids who've been isolated from each other, and our preschool has 50% kids out sick. Dozens of kids from the elementary school were getting tested. Our testing centre is overwhelmed and won't even answer the phone. One week. Closed due to the COVID self-isolation requirements, even though it's probably just a cold! My daughter has a runny nose, sigh, so I brought out the ol' elderberry syrup and we're all taking it to head off whatever it is.)

[temporaryreality]

"In ways that were both new to my current situation, but very old patterns in my life." THAT sounds so familiar. Like some things, no matter what I try to do differently, always have the same results. The conundrum I have to figure out in this life or the thing I just have to shrug at and carry on in spite of - well I haven't figured that out either.

[sdi]

I spin my wheels on exactly these same things, so I'm right there with you both! Severe depression and chronic disease is written in my stars, so I'm clearly destined to slog through it, and so I've spent a lot of time (I mean a lot of time) trying to figure out why. I'm glad it helped, at least a little!


Like some things, no matter what I try to do differently, always have the same results.

I see this come up in my daily/monthly/etc. readings a lot: they say that a particular energy is going to happen: and even if I'm aware of it, no matter what I do, it always happens! So I've changed strategies: instead of trying to avoid or cause a kind of energy, instead I try to channel the positive aspects of a figure rather than its negative aspects. Instead of getting-stuck-in-a-rut Tristitia, I try to channel grinding-away-at-making-something Tristitia; instead of obnoxiously-trample-over-everyone Puer, I try to channel searching-out-and-finding Puer; etc. This helps, at least if I can maintain enough perspective to not get lost in despair!

[temporaryreality]

I'm a newbie diviner, so haven't managed to get deep enough in to be sure I'm reading well, and I still have daily-divinations that have no apparent relationship to my day. I'm also not astrologically literate, so there's an additional layer of obscurity... that's a long-winded way of saying that I appreciate the knowledge and experience of this whole group of the ecosophia-minded. Boy do I have a lot to learn, not least, how to open up interpretations of the daily-divination results to wider meanings.

[sdi]

I currently have twelve pounds of elderberries in my freezer, just waiting for when I have a couple spare hours to make wine. I'll be very ready for cold season next year!

[temporaryreality]

That reminds me, I should check my stock of dried elderberries - I make an elderberry "elixir" that's honey and rum based, with ginger and rosehips (when I have them, I probably don't actually have any right now)... anyway, funny that we're all elderberry aficionados here, and thanks for the prompting!