I guess it's a rut of sorts.

[temporaryreality]

 I finally have a bit of a break from work, having just finished up a series of jobs with a decision to give myself a bit of a reprieve before taking on any new ones, and of course what happens is that I have time to reflect on my life and the crushing sense of meaninglessness that dogs my heels. Gee, ain't downtime fun?

I run looptapes of inner dialogue trying to poke and prod at what's at the root of it - nothing particularly helpful pops up in terms of "change your life in this way and you'll be a bit better off in the realm of meaningfulness." I think the sense just comes from being aware of how very much a product of my culture I am, and the misalignment that generates with the deep part of my soul and body that is quintessentially human-animal and that would prefer to live in a place where I could experience life as it's meant to be lived: in season, in connection with the critters and the plants and the cycles of nature; in a time where things weren't all paved over and built up in an ugly fashion and when we still knew how to teach our young (and thus ourselves, over and over) how to recognize, be part of, and create beauty; and in a culture that understood these things and that had a communal response.

This all combines then with that "mis-education" I talked about earlier that prompted me to go along looking up things to study, though in my more dour moments, I'm not at all sure that what I need is more brain-food.

Comments

[temporaryreality]

"In ways that were both new to my current situation, but very old patterns in my life." THAT sounds so familiar. Like some things, no matter what I try to do differently, always have the same results. The conundrum I have to figure out in this life or the thing I just have to shrug at and carry on in spite of - well I haven't figured that out either.

[sdi]

I spin my wheels on exactly these same things, so I'm right there with you both! Severe depression and chronic disease is written in my stars, so I'm clearly destined to slog through it, and so I've spent a lot of time (I mean a lot of time) trying to figure out why. I'm glad it helped, at least a little!


Like some things, no matter what I try to do differently, always have the same results.

I see this come up in my daily/monthly/etc. readings a lot: they say that a particular energy is going to happen: and even if I'm aware of it, no matter what I do, it always happens! So I've changed strategies: instead of trying to avoid or cause a kind of energy, instead I try to channel the positive aspects of a figure rather than its negative aspects. Instead of getting-stuck-in-a-rut Tristitia, I try to channel grinding-away-at-making-something Tristitia; instead of obnoxiously-trample-over-everyone Puer, I try to channel searching-out-and-finding Puer; etc. This helps, at least if I can maintain enough perspective to not get lost in despair!

[temporaryreality]

I'm a newbie diviner, so haven't managed to get deep enough in to be sure I'm reading well, and I still have daily-divinations that have no apparent relationship to my day. I'm also not astrologically literate, so there's an additional layer of obscurity... that's a long-winded way of saying that I appreciate the knowledge and experience of this whole group of the ecosophia-minded. Boy do I have a lot to learn, not least, how to open up interpretations of the daily-divination results to wider meanings.